I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think i have two assholes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
