I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm just crazy horny about you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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