I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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