I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
