Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
