Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
