Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
