I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
