Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
