i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
