we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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