What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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