What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
