I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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