He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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