Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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