You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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