You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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