Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
