i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
