The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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