Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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