think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
