we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
