Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So. Much. Porn.
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