my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
