What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
