I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
