Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
