just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
