We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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