awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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