How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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