she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
be right there i have to get my cape
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
