i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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