So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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