It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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