Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
