I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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