I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
