I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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