I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
