lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
