I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
