Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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