she smelled like a LAN party
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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