Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
