so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
