you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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