Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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