My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
