I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
