I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
