I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
