I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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