ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
