This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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